more to my daughter.

in response to your comment...
its quite ok if you are mad at me.  you have the right to feel as you choose but, SO DO I.

I did not keep anything from you, so sorry that at the second I got the text from mike saying he was tired of the shit and it was too much,  you were in a massive crying time over the power and would not even tell him the power had been cut off.

 I am so sorry that I felt his text was just not that important to share at that second... I WAS NOT KEEPING ANY SECRETS I was trying to call MY COUSIN to get in contact with the salvation army to HELP YOU.
 I was driving and getting food as it was nearly 2 pm and neither of us had eatten a thing all day...

I am so sorry that I felt you did not need ONE more THING to deal with at that second... and as you know there was no slowing down as you needed to be at work by 4 and I needed to take care of things for MY HOUSE and to be prepared for Bradley so I spent extra to get what i needed from walmart at a different store to prevent ONE MORE STOP that would have taken too much time and would have made you late.

 GEE I AM SUCH A BAD MOM TO NOT WANT TO ADD TO YOUR STRESS AND MAKE THINGS WORSE BECAUSE OF A STUPID TEXT YOUR BOYFRIEND SENT ME.

I AM ALSO SO SORRY THAT I HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO HIM WHEN HE HAS COME TO ME ASKING FOR MY THOUGHTS IDEAS AND ADVICE... DONT WORRY I WONT TALK TO HIM ANY MORE. I am sorry that the car load of cans I gave you guys that I have saved for a year only brought 25 dollars... thats several hours work at minimum wage so ... pretty good when you only have to come get them from me.

YES you have BORN wittness to plenty of fights disagreements and what not from your father and I, and you have also seen us WORK OUR ASSES OFF to make things right you have seen us on our knees praying together you have seen us do without so that you and your brother would have all you needed and most that you wanted. you have heard how hard we struggled and how I worked three jobs at one time and how your dad worked in town and out of town to make enough to pay the bills... you have seen me keep 6 to 8 other kids here with you and your brother so that I could make a few bucks and be home with my kids... you have seen your dad work monday through friday and me work saturday and sunday for YEARS so that ONE of us were always here and available to you two kids.  you and your brother both CAME WITH ME TO WORK for YEARS you know that we have set an example for the two of you how to make it work when times are hard. 

YOU HAVE NEVER heard us blame someone else for how much the bills were you have never seen us go out to eat or to the movies or anywhere else before our bills were paid... You have been taught that GOD will provide ... HE PROVIDES YOU THE SMARTS TO DO ANYTHING
HE PROVIDES YOU THE SKILLS TO HAVE AND DO A JOB TO EARN THE MONEY TO LIVE
HE PROVIDES YOU A GUIDE IN WHAT IS EXPECTED IN LIFE all you have to do is read and follow it.  HE PROVIDES YOU A WAY TO LIVE AND TO LIVE HAPPILY.

IT IS NOT THE POWER COMPANYS FAULT that you have such a HUGE BILL and IT IS NOT THE EMPLOYEES FAULT THEY ARE PAID TO DO A CRAPPY JOB.  crappy as in  cutting off the power when someone is three months behind and cant catch up.  YES YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING AND I DEFEND AND COMMEND YOU ON THAT BUT IT STILL WAS NOT ENOUGH.  But like I told you when you were on the phone here... cussing the guy you were talking to and telling him to go to hell will not solve your issue. 

to address your note...
I love you too and no I cant fix everything and for the most part I am not even going to try...

I have told you before I accept that you choose to live in a manner that is not worthy of you its not worthy of how you have been raised and not worthy of what you are capable of... BUT,

 you are NOW bringing an innocent baby into it... and SHE has to come FIRST. 
HER NEEDS HAVE TO BE MET and seriously do you really really think that anyone will allow you to take YOUR CHILD into a home with no  power... they wont allow you TO LEAVE the hospital with her without a car seat... Have either of you considered how you will make ends meet and buy the things SHE will need when you are UNABLE to work... even if it is only a couple weeks...

HAVE YOU HONESTLY thought about HOW you are going to go to school, work , and be up with an infant without A LOT of help? 

"you simply cant live here because it would ruin our relationship"
??? REALLY ??? SERIOUSLY??? you are kidding me right? 

no it would not ruin our relationship what it would do is take your freedom away to a degree, because I would expect you to help around here, I would expect you to respect me and your dad and our home, and I would expect you to respect yourself. 
And, the clincher is MIKE is NOT allowed to be here live here or anything else... it would be like before you left in that I would make sure you went to work and paid your bills before you did anything else AND I would make you take care of your daughter when you were here... and of course go to school ON TIME EVERYDAY... have mercy yeah that would ruin our relationship.
GAH GAH and GAH...

Since Mike's parents would not allow him to stay there at all but, will allow you and him to stay there for a while so you can be together don't you think it will be allowed for you to do your laundry there too?

I really really wish and hope that while you two are staying at mike's parents that you give serious thought to finding somewhere else to live somewhere that is not so costly to heat and cool somewhere that your daughter can be safe.  use this time to pay off the power and get yourselves into a place that you can live more comfortably and affordably.  anyway its one AM and I need to sleep Bradley will be here and I need to finish the grocery stuff that I did not get done on Friday... so hang in there I will do what I can to help you but, I stand by what I have said and I still feel and believe as I always have.

love mom

ps... thank you everyone who has commented and who keep us in your prayers as they do mean so much and help so much. :)
Happy Sunday!