Ahh...To Vent...
So it's been a long year...most of you know that though. and it's still not over yet.
New year's resolution:Don't get pregnant...AGAIN.
So i'm like 32 weeks pregnant now- i think. hell i don't know moms keep better track of those types of things. I seem to be having some issues with making it to school on time...anytime. meaning today was the first day in 3 weeks i went to school on time. Ironically i somehow manage to pass everything. My grades don't suffer for whatever reason. The only problem my attendance presents is not being able to exempt any exams-which super sucks because seniors get the option to exempt ALL exams while underclassmen can only exempt 2 of 6 classes. Bummer right?
I see it from an immature point of view-being that i somehow missed 60 someodd days of our 180 day school year last year and still manged to somehow pass with exceptional grades. i feel like i'm wasting my time in the classroom. I don't feel the taxes we pay are going toward educating me in the least. If i went to school everyday and on time, i would have retardedly good grades just based on attendance...Growing up, grades were really important in our family my brother and i both had straight A's through elementary school. I remember my first B. I thought I would go home and get beaten.I cried to my teacher to change it on report card day. I somehow failed 8th grade for whatever alien like reason which i thought i would be stripped and tarred for...and then ended up breaking every rule my house ever held...continuously....(Sorry Mom, I didn't make it easy.) I just wish i felt challenged in the classroom-any classroom. Even the modeling school i payed out the rear for wasn't challenging-it was just fun. Oh the adversity...
Pressing on...
So with all that said about school I have been feeling somewhat irresponsible. Even though I absolutely hate the education system we have and I don't feel like i am learning-I would LOVE to stand on that stage with my arms raised in the air screaming
YAH BIATCH! I DONE DID IT!
And the only way to achieve that goal is to actually attend...everyday...on time. I know when my little girl is born she will be undoubtedly too smart for her own good. I know grades and attendance will be a huge part of her life and her punishments...what kind of hypocrit would I be telling her to go to school when I didn't even finish and her father is a 3 time college drop out-yeah 3 times. Lazy bum. But anyways...I figure if I go way out of my way to find work who by the way I think have NO CLUE im pregnant (people don't pay much attention around here) and aside from that-pregnancy is like ADHD here...EVERYONE has it. But if i put such an importance on working (when i really shouldn't be) I should at least make school a priority even if it be for my own selfish reasons rather than the educational side of the fence.
On top of that- I feel I am surrounded by walking screw ups. I love my baby's father. He is nice and good lookin and sweet and takes wonderful care of me- but his friends are just plain screw ups. ALL of them. They ALL have just retarded issues. For example- you pawn the title to your car for something like a house payment or your child's doctor bills right? His friend pawned the title to his car to buy a pair of shoes...the SAME pair that i bought for mike two days sooner. IF by chance you pawn the title to your car...YOU PAY YOUR CAR NOTE! But his friend needless to say: didn't. Now simple cause and effect- I learned this in second grade. IF you DON'T pay your car note...THEY TOW YOUR CAR! and of course if they tow your car you can't get anywhere. Now in a big city this might not be an issue but here...in Grovetown and Augusta- a vehicular device is NECESSARY. So who does his friend call...take a wild guess...yep...And THEN on top of that bull crap they decide that since it's friday they're going out tonight-and i'm thinking dummy-your car just got towed and you have not one...not two...but three kids. The club ain't the place to be right now. but ack. I digress: I wanna finish school and get the hell outta dodge and away from the life suckers (that's what i call people that suck the life outta ya)...
Who'd ever thunk that life at 18 would be so stressful...I didn't mean for it to happen this way at all. I will say I always planned on moving out and being a "major" [get it? instead of a minor-meaning 17 and below] at an early age-however i didn't always plan on it being with a man or anyone for that matter and despite what mom thinks i did take measures to prevent this pregnancy- i think she is simply meant to be. Against other opinions we do not believe in abortions and I don't have it in my heart to even consider adoption. Both my mom and my baby's father were adopted as babies- mom at 8 weeks and Mike at 8 months...I just couldn't ever do it. However i hold nothing against those who do have it in them- they have their own reasons and that's that. Unless your name is Gloria-then i hold it against you. ACK. another long one.
Onward home...
so with the stress of getting right in school, getting back to work, dealing with bull, and babies, and man type children, and mommies, and family and baby showers and tons of other things I simply refuse to put you all through-i just needed a place to vent.
You're ALL wonderful listeners-thankfully our lives are anything but boring and sometimes all too busy. comments are greatly appreciated.
Love and Stress
Babies and Rest
Miss Martha Jean
10 words of wisdom:
oH SWEET CHILD OF MINE.... come back in 10 years read and see what you think then...
love mom.
I know it feels like a lot of stress right now..... but try to rest. It only gets worse when you are sleep deprived and worrying about raising a baby.
Take your own advice, finish school. No matter what! It may seem small right now but later on down the road that diploma will mean the difference between a crappy job and one that will pay the bills.
I remember being very close to your age and pregnant with my daughter. It can be an extremely scary time. You want to act grown up and do what is right but inside you are terrified and wondering if you are making the right choices. HUGS to you MJ for being an adult and making the tough choices.
You will be a wonderful Mom. I hope that your boyfriend is being supportive. Being cute and funny is great in a BF but for a Dad and a Partner, you need supportive, responsible and adult. Your baby must be your priority.... I know you know that.
Have you decided on a name for sure yet?
AM getting together a little box of stuff and will send it along once it is all full. It may be a few weeks.
One thing.... a baby grows so fast. Make sure you write in your baby book! You will look back in a few years and it will seem like you just blinked and your baby is going to school!
HUGS and LOVE to you and to your lovely Mommy.
I got married very young (17 and in 11th grade). I went back to school and finished. One thing I had to learn very quickly was I was no longer a teenager I was now an adult.. and had to be responsible. My children are all grown now. I read a blog this morning called SweetestJane.blogspot.com
she had some really great tips on raising children. you might want to take a peek.
I enjoy reading your blog ~ have a great day...ta ta for now from Iowa.
Oh MJ....Finish school, and keep those boundaries with the life-suckers out there. And rest up. You have no idea what is heading your way in 8 weeks. Love, MPM
MJ, you are seriously mature beyond your years, just get that diploma. Life will all fall into place after that.
Adulthood can be terrifying and it can be awesome all at the same time, the minute you hold that baby in your arms you will know what I mean.
Hang in there, you are still your mothers daughter, she will be there for yoU!!
Laura, and everyone who wants to come over:
I have started a new blog, please come join me!!
http://anewleaf-tonjiat.blogspot.com/
MJ, Stick at school, it will be worth it in the long run, and from reading this, you have a mind of your own, this will keep you steadfast in the years to come.
Life throws some wobblers at times, go with the flow, it all will come right in the end.
Good Luck.
I'm with ya Mum... read this again in 10 years. And I hope to hell you are not just 10 years older with 3 or 4 kids.
You have so much going on. I truly hope you will finish school--your little one will be glad you did--but more importantly, YOU will be glad.
Oh Miss EmJay - I'm glad you have a place to vent. And so many people who love you. Whatever happens, whatever depression may hit, remember that there's a crowd of people out here who care for and love you, girl.
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